Friday, April 23, 2010

Marriage.......Not what I pictured......

So I was thinking...yeah shocker...I know. Moving on.
Yesterday was the anniversary of when my hubby and I began dating. Six years ago we began what we thought was just a little fling. Yeah I know that sounds a bit tacky. He was on leave for 30 days and I thought I can date this guy and have a great dance partner for 30 days (he is a great dancer). Little did I know.

My friend asked me, a while back, if marriage was what I thought it was going to be. And my honest answer was no it is not what I imagined it to be.

You see I had made up my mind a long time ago. That I was not the marrying kind. I knew who I was and I wasn't going to give that up for anyone. I was going to be single my entire life and I was going to enjoy that life. I was going to be the single, fun, & well traveled aunt, sister, daughter and friend. I was completely content with that. Okay so where did that selfish or negative thinking come from? I can not point to an exact moment I just knew there was no one who met my criteria so why bother. The best way I can describe it is ....I just thought that marriage was a weight...something that slowly dragged you down and eventually sucked the life out of you. And as I type this I know it sounds awful. I mean my life is surrounded by wonderful men so why where my thoughts so negative. My dad is a man,... a great, strong, gentle man...he is caring, thoughtful, don't get me wrong he is not perfect...but he is the type of man I have always imagined. So once again why was I such a pessimist?

I don't know... that is my answer..I do not know why I am a pessimist. I guess to me marriage meant ...settling, growing up, letting go of that girl I knew so well and I was not ready to do that.

But then you have to meet the "boy" I married. He is amazing. He is not perfect..but he is perfect for me. He loves life as much (if not more) as me. He can make me laugh and he does everyday. Life is good. Not once have I ever felt "the weight." Instead of feeling drained, I feel renewed. He is strong, gentle, loving, caring and thoughtful. Does that remind you of anyone?

So, NO....marriage is not what I imagined it to be. It is more. I realize that sounds a little cliche and cheesy for that matter. But it is so is more than I had ever imagined it to be. And I firmly believe that God wants me (all of us) to be that we can serve happily. God knew my soul needed someone who was willing to let me be me. God gave me a that would dance with me through this crazy life. I was blessed with an amazing man who I can say I honestly enjoy life with him and sometimes because of him. And right now it sounds like my life if great....My life is far from perfect...but it is my life and I love it.

1 comment: