So I have come to the realization that I do not like change. I guess to make it more clear... I do not like change that I can foresee coming that is messing with my plan. A little insight for you...I am a planner. I plan things, I prepare, I try to find the best outlook, option, whatever. It is who I am. I don't know what life will be like in 5, 10, or even 15 years but I have a general plan. If something pops into the plan that was not created by me...I freak out. I am stressed and can' t see past the fact that this is not my plan.
The crazy thing is that I have always considered myself a "go with the flow" type person. But now I think that only applies to very small day to day occurrences. Large life changing events cause me to want to jump up and down and stomp my feet. I turn into a 3 year old. There are only certain people I even feel comfortable talking to about it but today it is just me and my words.
I am a dreamer. And I guess I get attached to my dreams. So anything that can possibly change it is a struggle for me. One gets comfortable with the life you lead that the uncertain is not easy to face. And it is not like I haven't experienced this feeling before and apparently I have managed to adjust. This time just feels like there is so much more at stack.
So Saturday I will meet with an amazing women that I love and adore. Usually those words describe my mom but this person is like my second mom. I need some clarity, someone to talk it out with, and some time to explain my mixed emotions. It is going to be great.......I am just sure of it.
So here is to future plans and stomping my feet at change.
I realize that one Saturday will not fix it but maybe I can talk it out enough to make it all make sense and have someone else understand my hesitation on change.