Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Back To Work

I truly believe in mind over matter. While I was pregnant I told myself that I would not be that person who hated it. I wanted to enjoy it and I wanted to reflect that on the outside as well. And I think I did a pretty good job at that. And before E was born I decided I wanted to not be that parent who was so concerned about the dishes, laundry, dinner, etc., that I didn't take the time to enjoy my child.

I have gone back to work full time. And it is hard. It is hard to have to leave her and have no other choice. It is hard because I can't think of anything else but her throughout the day. It is hard because I can't stop thinking about all the things I am going to miss out on in the future. But I have made up my mind. I am not going to dwell on those thoughts I am going to be present where I am everyday. When I am at work I will continue to think of her but will be at work because that is where I need to be. And when I am home I will be home with E & J. Work and dishes will always be there. Those things will never go away even if she is with me.

So I have tried so hard to be well prepared with dinner, laundry, dishes, etc., so when I pick her up I can hang out with her for a while. I am working on organizing myself enough to be present all the time. I have learned so much in that last 12 weeks. I admire all mothers, but mostly I admire my sisters for being able to balance all the hats they wear. I know it is possible to do it all because I see them balance life with such grace.

This is what I strive for...for grace to be all that I need to be for those around me and for myself, for the ability to enjoy it all now and have no regrets later, to know that failing is inevitable but rising is a choice, for loving wholeheartedly even when things are not easy and for being able to see beyond the be forever grateful.

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